This past Monday, we released a podcast about Men Fighting Porn Addiction featuring an interview with our founder who has been locked in that addiction and found freedom in recovery. He also answered several of your questions about the subject, including porn's effect on marriage and what purity looks like for single Christians.
If you haven't heard it yet, you can listen to it right here:
Now, we're creating a full list of additional tools and resources to help women who are struggling!
Celebrate Recovery Group Locator
If you listened to the podcast, you'll know that this was the greatest tool in the arsenal because it attacks the addiction on multiple fronts. You find positive friendships, accountability, sponsorship, testimonies, teachings, the Bible-based 12 Steps, and a guidance on how to find the hidden reasons BEHIND your addiction. Best of all, it's free and it's everywhere! Click to search for a Celebrate Recovery in your area.
6 Reasons Men and Women are Drawn to Porn by Luke Gilkerson
Hope and Help for the Porn Addict by Trip Lee
Porn's Effect on the Brain by Austin Ross
3 Gospel Principles for Battling Porn Addiction by Luke Gilkerson
Terry Crews (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) Fight Porn Addiction by Mary Elizabeth Williams
Fight Sexual Addiction Like a Man by Ryan Frederick
Resisting the Power of Pornography by Steve Watters
Sexual Success by Dr. Doug Weiss
I'm a Christian Addicted to Porn by Shaun Groves
Fighting for Purity by Gerald Hiestand
Married Men: Your Porn Habit is an Adultery Habit by Matt Walsh
Men Fighting Porn Addiction with Matt Coker
PornFree Radio by Matt Dobschuetz
Porn-Again Christian by Matt Coker
Blazing Grace Podcast by UrbanMinisitry.org
We've Lost the War on Porn - Now What? with Matt Coker
Is Masturbation Always a Sin? (Opening Segment) with Matt Coker
Accountable2You: Individual - $5/month | Family - $9/month
CovenantEyes: Individual - $11/month | Family - $15/month
Ever Accountable: Individual - $7/month | Family - $10/month
Lion: Free | Costs $10 to add Accountability Partners (1-Time Fee)
X3watch: $7/month or $65/year
*A WARNING ABOUT ACCOUNTABILITY SOFTWARE*
Realize that this is simply a tool that should make getting porn more difficult, thus giving you the opportunity to surrender the temptation to God or call an accountability partner, but these will NOT stop you from looking at porn.
Much like we are warned of Diet Soda because it tricks us into thinking because we are being healthy, we can eat a few more calories, and thus we wind up still gaining weight, be warned that Accountability Software is not a cure for your addiction. Don't convince yourself that you are safe from temptation because you've got your phone locked down.
You must remember this is simply a tool that should be used in conjunction with several others as you work on your recovery.
Your First Steps
Here are the ABC's of getting started in your Recovery process - 10 things you can start on right now that will benefit you moving forward:
Realize that you are addicted. Understand that you are powerless to defeat this addiction on your own (if you could, you would've done it already).
Realize that the ONLY place you can find enough willpower to defeat this addiction is Jesus Christ, the one whom has conquered all our sins. He must be your source of strength in the face of temptation.
Find someone you trust, someone the same gender as you, and someone whom you're not related to (you'd be more likely to lie to them), and confess that you have this problem. Let it all out and drop the baggage. If they are willing, make this person your accountability partner who can check on you and help keep you on track.
Install safeguards where you know you've been tempted or triggered before. Install accountability software, set up parental rating controls on Netflix (give your password to your accountability partner), cancel HBO and Showtime, etc.
Take a scouring pad to your phone and laptop. Erase every photo, video, story, and bookmark that you may have saved that is sexually provocative. If you have any magazines, books, DVDs, or even R-rated movies with too much skin, gather it all up and destroy it (not just throw it out - take scissors to it all and THEN throw it out).
Stop for 10 to 15 minutes each morning to have some quiet time with God. Pray, read the Bible, sing praise songs, and meditate (that really just means "listen"). Connect with God and make it a PRIORITY APPOINTMENT each and every day - NOT OPTIONAL.
Find a group of like-minded individuals. If you are lucky enough to know of more women struggling, start up an accountability group and meet once a week. Or, join a Celebrate Recovery program near you. Anonymous and confidential opportunities to share your struggles and victories is a major boost to your recovery.
Remember that this is going to be a process. Sure, we've heard stories of people deciding they were done and walking away without so much as a hiccup along the way, but those cases are super rare. Most people must work at it day by day, trusting God in the steady progress. Don't stress about the future or live in the guilt of the past - hope in the here and now.
Take a look back at your life from as far back as you can remember. Write down every significant event in your life, good or bad. This will help you see when your addiction started and how it progressed.
Take a daily look at yourself and your actions. When you feel tempted, whether you gave in or not, write the incident down. What happened right before that? Did you give in or break free? Why or how? These kind of questions in your journal entries should help you see a current pattern in your life as to what triggers these temptations and hopefully, this should help you make an action plan to fight these triggers in the future.
No more stalling.
No more putting it off.
This is the day that the Lord has made.
This is where the healing begins.
Today is the beginning of the next chapter of your life.
BY KEVIN WELBORN
I used to play football. Now I watch NCAA and NFL games on TV and realize that if I got hit by one of those guys my wife would be receiving a nice check in the mail from our insurance company.
Because I would be dead… I wasn’t sure if I was being clear. Perhaps, you thought that I had taken out a policy that paid my wife every time I was tackled by an opponent, which conjures up the image of my wife actively rooting for me to be tackled. Maybe that isn’t too far-fetched, but I was talking about life insurance.
My least favorite day of the week during football season was the day that we would watch the film from the previous game. We could’ve defeated our opponents soundly, yet there were always things to improve upon. That part I understand, you never play a truly perfect game. The aspect of film day that drove me nuts was the rarity of a positive comment even when you completed your assignment to the letter. On that rare occasion, you received a mere “nice job”.
I’ll never forget one Friday of my freshman year.
BY JAMES DAMAN
Pokémon Go is a mobile app game that was released this past month and has been downloaded millions of times. The game allows players to capture virtual creatures, called Pokémon, who appear on the screen as though in the real world. You then train them and bring them into "gym's" to battle on your behalf. I often wish that life worked like the game does, I wish we get to watch something else experience the pain in life on our behalf and I wish we could choose everyone who comes into our life.
Unfortunately in real life, we do not get to pick who comes into our lives and oftentimes those who come into our life are difficult to deal with.
Furthermore, we don't get to pick and choose the battles we face and when we face battles in our lives we have the possibility of getting hurt, while in Pokémon Go our Pokémon are the ones that get hurt.
When we face a difficult person, we don't realize that many of them have been difficult people for so long that it has become an identity for them. Or they identify as an addict, someone who is constantly angry or unhappy, or something else that causes them to manifest as a difficult person.
The only thing I've learned from Pokémon Go is that it is not designed to teach us life lessons, it's just for fun and I do love playing it. But, if I'm seeking those answers from Pokémon Go then it's a good reminder that I certainly don't have all the answers in life. But, it did help remind me of lessons from the bible that playing Pokémon Go sparked in my life:
BY DANIEL FOSTER
And he answered and said to Him, “Teacher, all these things I have kept from my youth.” Mark 10:20
This passage is from Mark 10, the story of the rich young ruler who was seeking eternal life from Jesus.
“What must I do?” (verse 17) He asked Jesus, as if there is some sort of checklist we must accomplish to enter Heaven. Sadly, there are many today with this exact thought. If I go to church twice a week, if I help someone in need, if I read my bible exactly 25 minutes each day, if I tithe my 10% I will be good enough to go to Heaven when this life is over. However, it’s never been (and still isn’t) about being “good enough.” But it is all about having a relationship and following Jesus. Jesus lists a few of the commandments we are to follow and the guy insists he has kept them from his youth. Ultimately Jesus tells this guy to sell everything and to take up the cross and to follow Him.
BY ELLEN MARTIN
Do you have that person (or people) in your life that are just hard to get along with? I am guilty of ending things badly or making a bad situation worse. It may be easier to just write people off that frustrate and aggravate you and never speak to them again. Is this what God wants for us, though?
Romans 12:17-18 says “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Verse 19 goes on to say “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord’”.
God commands us to live at peace with everyone. I would be the first to admit that this is very difficult to do. I have a tendency to not back down and to have the last word. We need to allow God to be in control. As Romans 12:19 says, we do not need to avenge ourselves. We need to trust God with our hurts, offenses, and other wrongs people have done to us.
BY KEVIN WELBORN
I have now officially been without my full voice for two weeks. At this point I can communicate clearly, but depending on the time I either sound like Whoopi Goldberg or a pubescent Peter Brady. It is irritating, infuriating, and irksome. With the heat of the Saharan sun do I scorn my current deficient vocal aptitude!!!
Being able to speak as a pastor is fairly, you know, important.
As a general rule, I do not think that I talk that much. When a subject in which I am interested is broached, I will surely jump into that conversation. Or, there are times when it is nice just to say your piece to a willing listener and let go of some thoughts be they consequential or not.
Whether you are reserved or a chatterbox, let me encourage you to remember there is a large difference in having something to say, and in having to say something.
I can think of two specific examples of men that I know or have known that rarely spoke a word.
James Daman | @jdaman04
Living in Phoenix causes me to completely forget that other areas don't experience 60-70 degree weather in Winter and early Spring. Winter often feels like Spring in other parts of the country, however in Phoenix, we know Spring is here when we start seeing lots of weeds pop up in our yard. As I work on getting rid of the weeds, I can't help but compare it to the work we do in Celebrate Recovery.
First, our goal is to get rid of the weeds, I don't know many people who are proud of their weeds. When I did a Google search to see if there were any weed contests around the world, I was able to find them, however they were all competitions for a different kind of weed.
In order to achieve our goal of getting rid of the weeds, we must work at it. We can't just pull the top of the weed off, we must get to the root and often we need help. Our lives can be a lot like that. Our inventory is a lot like getting at the root, it takes work, but it's worth it. If we just take care of the surface, it may look nice, but the issue will resurface, much like the weed.