Krissy Field | @KrissyMField
“Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6
I suffer from anxiety. And I’m not talking about occasional times where I’m worried about things. I mean I have a perpetual feeling of unease. It might be about something. It might be about everything. It might be about nothing at all. This is something that I keep very secret. I do not like people knowing, so it’s not something I talk about. Only a handful of people know and they don’t even know to what extent it is. I am anxious, right now, as I type this. But, God laid this on my heart to share. I tried to get out of it, but He wouldn’t let me. So, here we are.
For as long as I can remember, I have had some sort of anxiety. Worry was always the word we used for it. I can remember my parents saying “Don’t worry about it!” But, that was so much easier said than done. I tried. Oh how I tried to just quit worrying. But there was always just something that I could find to have concern over.
When I was in high school, I was having some real stomach problems. It finally got to where I needed medical help. The doctor figured out that I had a stomach ulcer. And it was concluded that I had given myself the ulcer from worrying. And I think, as an adult, what was there to worry about that much in high school. EVERYTHING.
I honestly can’t think of a time in my life where there hasn’t been some sort of concern. And, as I have aged, and life has gone on, the concern/worry/anxiety has become greater and greater. Marriage, children, careers, homes, moves, aging parents. When my husband was sick with cancer, I had a great deal of anxiety, but I was able to keep it at bay. I had other things to deal with. Once he was in remission, I let my guard down, and actually began having anxiety attacks that kept me from being able to leave home, or work, or wherever I was whenever they hit.
I was recently talking to a friend of mine, who is also my pastor, and a great source of wise counsel. He asked me about something that happened in college. And with that one question, it hit me like a ton of bricks just how much and for how long “worrying” as affected my life. That it wasn’t really worry at all but told me that it was actually "anxiety" I was feeling. At 36 years old, I realized how much of my life and decision making, both good and bad, revolved around this issue of anxiety.
I am a Teacher. I am a Christian Counselor. I am a Mommy. I am a Minister’s Wife. I am a Christian. Until VERY recently I had never gone to the Lord about my anxiety. I have memorized and quoted scripture about worry and anxiety. I would tell myself “Don’t worry about tomorrow, you are more important than the birds.” But sadly, and shamefully, I didn’t go to Him about it. I didn’t cry out to Him about it. I didn’t/wouldn’t/couldn’t ask for help. Until finally I had no other choice.
It was a time when I had a particularly packed schedule for about two weeks straight. I was mentally going over my schedule and could see all the things that HAD to be done. I could feel that old familiar feeling coming on. Not being overwhelmed. I was certainly feeling overwhelmed, but it was much greater. Logistically, I could not figure out how I was going to get it all done. I could feel an attack coming on. I knew there was no other option than to cry out to Him in my despair. So I did. Finally, I did.
For the next two weeks I felt a peace that I had never known. I got everything done and I even had time to sleep. Some. I was tired, and it was a hard two weeks. But, it was peaceful and I didn’t force myself to go it alone. God was right there with me. Was there zero nervous activity? Nope. But, when I did have those thoughts of worry or pangs of nervousness in my stomach, I would just silently ask for help and those thoughts and feelings would go away.
I would love to tell you that I’m “cured” of my anxiety. But, I can’t. It is a battle I fight daily, and probably always will. I can tell you though that I will no longer try fight it alone.
“Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful.” John 14:27
Krissy Field lives in the great state of Texas where she is a little bit country and a little bit rock n' roll. She and her hilarious hubby Marty have two brilliant and beautiful children. While currently a teacher, Krissy has a wide variety of titles, both professionally and personally. She loves laughter, adventure, and most of all JESUS. You can find her on twitter at @krissymfield.
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